Thank God my kid finally turned one.
Aside from the obvious sentimental reasons, I am profoundly grateful to be freed from the arduous task of taking monthly baby photos. What once seemed like the best.idea.ever. (I blame you, Pinterest) became a dreaded chore, requiring both parents, high shutter speed, just the right mood (precisely 1 hour after afternoon nap), and shameless bribery.
Want the real inside scoop on the business of taking monthly milestone photos? Here’s the unflattering photos and dirty tricks parents never reveal.
Should’ve ponied up the money for professional newborn pics.
New developmental milestone: giving Mom the side eye.
Poopsplosion in 3, 2, 1 – …..
Yes child, we have an uncanny ability to blink in photos. Welcome to the fam.
Insert trite 10-minute argument between parents over missed opportunity to photograph the 0.3 seconds that he smiled directly at the camera.
Contemplate professional photos. Draft email to photographer, then check bank account and delete draft. Drop a pile of Goldfish on blanket and say a little prayer.
Mourn the days when he didn’t eat his stuffed his animals.
Hand over an alarm clock (“OoooOoohhh!”). Scramble to grab camera. Facepalm.
While attempting to make your kid laugh, you scare the crap out of him.
Not today, fools.
Brainstorm how to take away the Bingo marker without instigating a major meltdown. Are Bingo markers machine washable?
New trick: get camera in position, tickle, and snap away. Pat self on back for newfound baby photography skills. Compartmentalize any premature regrets of not photographing subsequent baby milestones.