baby

monthly baby photos: the outtakes

Thank God my kid finally turned one.

Aside from the obvious sentimental reasons, I am profoundly grateful to be freed from the arduous task of taking monthly baby photos. What once seemed like the best.idea.ever. (I blame you, Pinterest) became a dreaded chore, requiring both parents, high shutter speed, just the right mood (precisely 1 hour after afternoon nap), and shameless bribery.

Want the real inside scoop on the business of taking monthly milestone photos? Here’s the unflattering photos and dirty tricks parents never reveal.

 

MONTH 1

Should’ve ponied up the money for professional newborn pics.

monthly baby photos bloopers

 

MONTH 2

New developmental milestone: giving Mom the side eye.

monthly baby photos bloopers

 

MONTH 3

Poopsplosion in 3, 2, 1 – …..

monthly baby photos bloopers

 

MONTH 4

Yes child, we have an uncanny ability to blink in photos. Welcome to the fam.

monthly baby photos bloopers

MONTH 5

Insert trite 10-minute argument between parents over missed opportunity to photograph the 0.3 seconds that he smiled directly at the camera.

monthly baby photos bloopers

6 MONTHS

Contemplate professional photos. Draft email to photographer, then check bank account and delete draft. Drop a pile of Goldfish on blanket and say a little prayer.

monthly baby photos bloopers

MONTH 7

Mourn the days when he didn’t eat his stuffed his animals.

monthly baby photos bloopers

MONTH 8

Hand over an alarm clock (“OoooOoohhh!”). Scramble to grab camera. Facepalm.

monthly baby photos bloopers

MONTH 9

While attempting to make your kid laugh, you scare the crap out of him.

monthly baby photos bloopers

MONTH 10

Not today, fools.

monthly baby photos bloopers

MONTH 11

Brainstorm how to take away the Bingo marker without instigating a major meltdown. Are Bingo markers machine washable?

monthly baby photos bloopers

MONTH 12

New trick: get camera in position, tickle, and snap away. Pat self on back for newfound baby photography skills. Compartmentalize any premature regrets of not photographing subsequent baby milestones.

monthly baby photos bloopers

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